The “Double Standard” and The Mystery of my Self-Imposition

23 Sep


I have no issue with sex. Given, I don’t think it should be happening if it’s dangerous, involves children, hurting someone, or cheating- but those are other issues-      otherwise, shag away.

As most of us are familiar with, there’s been a “double-standard” for men and women when it comes to being more liberal about sex.

Double standard:  a set of principles that applies differently and usually more rigorously to one group of people or circumstances than to another; especially :  a code of morals that applies more severe standards of sexual behavior to women than to men.
This standard is certainly weaker in modern times but still looms above the heads of those of us who grew up with it. I’d love to say I’m all about equal rights and anti-sexism- except for this single really strange belief that it’s more acceptable for men to loosely sleep around than women. Okay, not women actually, just me.
I will congratulate my girlfriends for getting home with the hottie [I cannot believe I’ve stooped to using that word] from the bar. I’ll strategically plan with my guy friends scenarios similar to those of Barney Stinson in HIMYM. I’ve got no grudge against any girl or guy who chooses to do whatever with whoever whenever (just hope that they’re safe physically and emotionally). I’m not saying go wildly public with your displays, but what you do in the bedroom-or car or elevator or pool table- have fun.  I have accepted this for literally everyone except myself. I’m the only one who I still hold to this double standard.
I’ve never really been much for flings, and rarely a one-night-stand, but even in short relationships I’d feel this guilt about not restraining myself from engaging in sex. In fact, when this happens I’m usually so pre-occupied with my “giving in” that I hardly enjoy it and the next morning I just want the guy gone. I’m no psychiatrist, and god knows I’m still figuring out my own brain, but I’ve boiled this oddity down to two possible reasons I feel this way:
1) Control freak- Maybe not externally, but internally I feel a need to be in total control of everything. The few times I’ve let my guard down I got really hurt and now I’m just not letting that happen. Also, I seem to be strangely competitive with my id and superego. So, my poor ego is really getting slammed from this.
2) By the time I was “mature” enough for “casual” sex the standard had just been seared into my brain that there’s no getting out of it now. And that’s weird.
Way to go ruining a potentially realistic story with love Mila and JT...

Way to go ruining a potentially realistic story with love Mila and JT…

I’ve tried to adopt a “guy’s mentality” about all of it (yes, that’s sexist and stereotypical, I’m sorry, but it’s for the point). That sometimes sex can just be sex and it’s okay to move on after. It’s helping me not get hurt, but not helping my internal anger at myself for not “waiting” until things are a little more serious. We’ll see how that goes.Until next time –

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